It’s been almost 2 years and I know NOTHING about this city that I call MYami which I moved more than 1200 miles to live in. My mindset on the road here (literally because I drove) was to get away and start fresh. My sister, my niece, my 2 little ones, and I hit the road with only a car full of my belongings and the goal was to just get me here. I am forever grateful that my sissy agreed to drive with me because without her I would probably still be sitting back in my hometown in a highly dysfunctional relationship looking out the window wondering “what if?” I wanted to come here and do all the things i’d never done and feel free to be myself without having my light extinguished by the actions of other people who said sorry more than they said hello. I lived day to day thinking things would get better and that it was my DUTY to stick it out. One day I sat and realized that I was devoting my life….MY LIFE (the thing you only get one of)…to someone else’s foolishness. Doing that did not make me loyal or earn me favor with God because the very truth is that He did not condone this union to begin with. I put it together like the do it yourself makeover I once attempted on my basement where I personally built the walls. I rented a nail gun, bought studs, drywall, drywall screws, mud, tape, a sander, and gorgeous blue paint to top it off. They looked good and everyone told me how great of a job a did hanging drywall for it to have been my first time (Yay Me). They didn’t see it but I used the wrong kind of studs to begin with, they were not set right behind the wall, the mudding/taping was not smooth, and this little project would not pass an inspection even if I prayed hard about it 🙏🏾. The paint was AWESOME though and made it all look stellar. I knew the problems but if everyone else said it looked good then they must be right. Right? Let me get back on track. Eventually I tore those walls down and had the basement done over professionally but my life (the thing you only get one of) was still like that original project…unstable, looked good on the outside, but had no structure.
There was a job offer in play and had they asked me a month before I would not have even considered it. The timing of it all was spot on and seemed like God opening a door so almost without hesitation, it was a done deal. I would be moving to a place that I never had a desire to visit let alone live and I would be there with 2 children under the age of 5 on my own. I was terrified but the thought of staying scared me even more so I pushed through. As i’ve said before, it’s been almost 2 years now and while logistically i’m in another place; mentally i’m still sitting and looking out the damn window. The view is much different-palm trees, purple flowers, and sun year round but all of those elements are out there and i’m in here. If i’m out there, the reason is that i’m going to work, taking the kids somewhere, or shopping (which is less now since i’m in debt payoff mode). I live in a designated vacation city and have not taken advantage of all that is right at my doorstep. Part of the reason is that I’ve taken this time to heal and become focused on what it is that I need to be the best version of me that I can be. The reality is I can’t take such huge windows of time to do things like I used to when I was twenty. I feel like I must act NOW. I set the studs correctly on this project and now it’s time for me to “hang the drywall” so to speak and do all the pretty finishing knowing that this will pass my inspection.
So where do I begin? How do I get out there? If you’re reading this, you’re probably like “just do i!” My perceived issues are that I don’t have a sitter and can’t fly my sister out every single time I want to go somewhere (even though she’d gladly jump on a plane). I say perceived because in all actuality this doesn’t stop anything. The little ones are not my first rodeo so i’ll have to get creative and figure out how to begin the exploration of all things including MYami. What i’ve learned is that it doesn’t really matter where you are physically, it’s the mental that enhances the experience. Your light is there and if it does not shine it’s because you don’t let it not because someone else won’t. #joytobliss